2023, december 3

inside my novel

after a full day of binge-worrying, mia‘s mind unexpectedly shifted into a state of deep relaxation. it was a paradoxical surrender: the more she worried, the more her mind eventually let go. reminiscent of her experience with her tense shoulder muscle — counterintuitively, not relaxation, but further straining would loosen the muscle. doing a shoulder workout, she would push the muscle to its limits until it had no choice but to relent. further tension led to ultimate relaxation. same with her mind: mia had worried so hard, it was like she had worried the worries out of her system. overthinking burns itself out. she exhausted her anxiety, leaving her mind in a serene repose. 

2023, november 19, honolulu

hawaiian language sounds so delicious because it tastes like bubbles. as a child, i always dreamt of only eating just the holes in cheese or the bubbles in aerated chocolate. that's how the sound of ōlelo hawaiʻi feels. airy, bubbly, as if i'm finally allowed to eat just the yummy holes.

2023, may 12, cammeraygal (sydney)

when a. talks about ocean swimming, i feel every bit of it on my skin – the cold pinpricks, the muscles burning, the intense salt, and that incredible awe-striking moment of having conquered something intense. i can feel that after-swim moment when my skin, spurred by the sheer coldness, starts to warm up. it’s as if the cold itself ignites the warmth, making each tiny goosebump glow.